wow.im thinking twice of my relationship with my boyfriend.. ive known him for 3 years.. been with him for 1 year already.. i dont see a stop coming anytime soon..and if it ever did break up..he winds up wanting me back like he cannot move on.
now.. things have been on the edge.. he always have something to say negative about me..like ';you are naive, you sound sort of like a brat';.. and i always have something to say to him like ';you are so judgemental, you are very rude'; we always go back and forth saying stuff like that to each other that escalates to a argument. we both have strong opinions and we will argue each other down on silly stuff about life and people..
he buys my meals and i buy his meals when we go out to restaurants..but he never done anything romantic.. he would either say ';it is not him'; or ';he doesn't have the time with school and work';.
we have our good days and bad days.. but does this honestly sound like a relationship that just wont work.. what boyfriend does not do anything romantic for his girlfriend like buy me flowers, or write me a card about how much he cares for me, plan a day 2gether or plan a trip somewhere together..he would say its not him or he just doesnt have the time!
we talked about this..and he always would say '; i love you but i just dont have the time, i work too much and school is a headache, i just dont';..i go to school and work too.. but hell..i dont use that excuse..
i feel the need to get out of this relationship bc i need a man who is going to strive for more to make me happy as much as i try to do for him.. OR am i overreacting?My bf doesnt do anything romantic..says he doesnt have the time bc of work %26amp; school.. should i move on!?
lucky you! at least you have a bf!My bf doesnt do anything romantic..says he doesnt have the time bc of work %26amp; school.. should i move on!?
I thought I wasnt the romantic type either. Turns out that I was just with the wrong women. When I met my current gf all I want to do is nice/romantic things for her. Were best friends and BF/GF which is the way it should be.
JUst let him go..if you can take the pain of a broken heart...I know it feels as though hope is gone, and it hurts to think of moving on, but tell him to make it up to you if you really want him. and if he doesnt...you kno what to do.
if he isn't there for you leave him and explain why ur leaving him
Let me tell you one thing sweetie, it's just not him and he's not going to change, and if you ever ask him to the less likely it's going to happen. So now what you have to ask yourself is, can I live without the romance? If you can live without it then stay with him, but don't complain about the lack of romance. If you can't, then leave.
He's only going to get colder as time progresses, and you're just going to feel it more and more.
He just simply isn't the one for you.
Ok, I am a male, in a relationship and my girlfriend says the same things to me.
So, I will give you the way a man really feels about this. First off, he should romance you, he should make you feel like the most beautiful, wonderful and greatest person in the world as I am sure you deserve it. But people are busy and take things and people for granted. That one year point is tough. At that point, the excitement for one another is dying down and you are just getting attached. It is scary to love and more scary to lose those ones we love.
You obviously love/like him enough to stay with him, so there is something there. You are probably not too sure sometimes as to what that 'something' is, but it is there. I hear ya and am there with you.
My suggestion(s); Do to him what you want him to do for you. I know it sounds bad, but relationships are two way streets. He is obviously working hard with school and work, so embrace that! I am sure you are on his mind during every tough day. So, take him out, make him feel special and appreciated. Tell him that you see how hard he is working and wanted to make it a little better. Get sexual with him (if you are at that point). Do all these things once, only once! But make sure the whole way you tell him you are doing it for him, because you want to make him feel special! Do not ask for anything in return. After your well appreciated night. Wait and see what happens. See if he returns the favor. Give it a week or two of being civil and don't argue about all that non sense you mention. If you don't see any kind of return of favor or change towards the way he treats you....DUMP HIM!!!! I guarantee that if you try and put 110% into him for that time and do not see any return from him, you will not have any problem leaving him.
I know it is tough to swallow your pride. Trust me, I am the first one for chivalry. But us men are stupid! We don't see it sometimes and that why we have great woman in our lives, who deal with our crap and stay with us. We just need a kick in the *** sometimes!
So, take my advice, don't take my advice, either way, you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. But if he doesn't appreciate and return the favor soon, get rid of him and tell him why!
I got to a point in my relationship where I was overworked, tired and simply stopped making my girl feel special. I am not a bad guy, I didn't stop loving her, I was just working hard. But for her. She took me out one night and it was just about me. She bought me dinner, we laughed, we had fun, great bed time :) and that was it. I fell in love with her all over and it really made me appreciate her. After that, all I wanted to do is make her feel special all the time. That really meant a lot as no one has ever done something like that for me. But I tell you what, if she did do that and I didn't change. I would be a very single guy right now.
So, best of luck. It sounds like you are really into this guy, but you need to be there for eachother. He may be going through some tough times, he may just be an asshole. But there is only one way to find out.
Hope I can help even a little.
-Nick
My suggestionl
hi sweetang!
talk to him first ask him what his intentions are and that your sick of comimg third in life priorities!~ maybe u should both take abreak from each other and both of u sort out what u want..
because this relationship is going nowhere!
move on and find some guy that will give u what u want in a relationship.
but u also have to think that he may not be able to study and work at the same time as well as bieng in a relationship! and added stress of fighting with each other, makes the sitation worse!
girls are good a multitasking, men however have not mastered this yet!
cc
To put it plainly, the romance in a long term relationship will always fizzle out, the trick is for both of you to work on it.( That means you have to do romantic things for him as well. It can't be all up to him).
I've been with my man for almost..hmmmm...3 years now? Sure, we are not nearly as lovey dovey as we once were, but I find it romantic that he can go to subway and get a sandwich for me just the way I like it without me being there. We know each other so well, and stupid little things like that are more romantic to me than a card...and I think it should be for you too. Think about how long you two have been together, think about all of the quirks he has and how he can understand you without you having to say much. If this doesn't make you smile and make you heart pitter patter, then perhaps you should leave him. But honestly, I think you are asking for too much. Sure it would be nice if he did romantic things for you every once in awhile, but I don't think you should demand it from him. Maybe he just isn't the romantic type, so help him out. Do romantic things for him, show him what you like and he will follow in suite. If he loves you and wants to make you happy, trust me...he will.
Hun let me tell ya something, no matter who your with....your going to have days or weeks or even months where you think i could be in something better. Thats just the way it goes, it seems to me like you do love this guy, seems like he does care for you, seems like your big problem is he doesnt show it enough.
I dont think thats a reason to leave him. My advice is to take him as he is if you love him and just make it work, love and relationships are work, if your not willing to put in the effort with him chances are youll never want to put in the effort with anyone, the infatuation stage only lasts so long, now your in to the real test of your love for someone, making it work even if sometimes you dont want to.
Thats what true love is about and if you can both do that then you guys could make it. However all that being said...he does need to step it up a little, trust me lots of guys think the whole way girls need to be shown that we love them is a little aggravating, but lots of us do it because we know it reassures them. Just have a little heart to heart with him, ya know in a real non confrontational way and just tell him you need to be shown....and you could always buy him flowers and a card also, us guys kinda like it to sometimes =) maybe it would get him into the habit of expressing his love.
1- you are not ';cheated'; out of a relationship that could be better, you have the power to break up and move on- you stay with him because it is your choice. you are not in an arranged marriage or any marriage so don't blame him for not meeting your needs in the relationship.
2- i'm not sticking up for him, but sticking up for the way relationships work in general and giving you a perspective that might be a bit more objective with which to make YOUR decision- I will not tell you what to do because it is not my decision, its yours and only you have the tools to make it.
3- maybe he is busy with school and work, maybe busier than you- this i can't say it is accurate, whetehr it is or is not is really immaterial because the central question you need to ask is ';do we fit together?'; ';am i willing to wait'; ';how long?';.
if he is not meeting your needs, then you should examine why (you have done that ok) and discuss it with him (you have done that too to some degree).
if he is not capable of meeting your needs, either because thats just his work schedule or because he just doesn't want to- then from your prespective it is really the same thing and you need to ask yourself if you still want to be in this relationship knowing he can't.
if because it is school and work then that condition will disappear with the passage of time- and he can give you some comfort level that it will, then you need to decide if that is ok with you and if you can take it.
even if he is going to school to better himself and works like a dog to do so and you can't wait- there is no ';wrong'; here. its just two people who aren't right for each other- no one is wrong no one is right you are just two puzzle peices that don't fit together- its as simple as that.
sometimes its worth sandpapering one down (in your case waiting) to fit but only you can tell if it will still make a picture.
EDIT: if he is just not romantic and not doing those little things to spice up the relationship I would talk to him about that too- tell him that that is what you would like to feel appreciated- not every day but that once in a while surprise card, roses or whatnot. some guys just aren't romantic, some girls aren't- its just the way it is and you shouldn't demand someone to do something drastic- granted, flowers and cards and an occasional getaway froun the routine are not much to ask for- but if his mind and schedule are on his school and work then that could be a reason. sit down and talk to him but don't accuse- always phrase things int eh context of you and your needs, not what he is ';not doing'; and he should address you the same way to avoid a fight.
the tit for tats you have probably don't help the relationship much and explain to him how he hurts you and have him do the same and express how you feel and ask him to refrain from that.
if he can't do these things, then you two might not be right for each other- he might need you to ';back off'; with asking for time a bit at this life-stage too. if you can't or dont' want to do that or meet other needs he has then it is not your fault or failing its just the way things are- ';what is, is';. talk and communicate if you aren't meeting each others needs it isn't selfish- its just the way you two mesh or don't mesh together- no fault, no foul.
If it helps you at all, my boyfriend of 4 years isn't romantic at all either. He calls me lazy, but i know i am so it's ok. haha. But some guys just aren't romantic, but if you MUST have a guy who is romantic, leave him and find someone who will treat you the way you would like to be treated. I know my boyfriend isn't romantic, so i just leave it at that because I love him too much to care about my selfish wants.
it just sounds like he is going through difficult time, when he isn't busy try talking to him, find out if there is anything you can do to help, and tell him how you feel! you need to communicate with him
take some time to really think - you are overreacting a bit unless it has been going on for a while, people have relationships because they love each other, and if he really isn't willing to try and commit then give him a little longer, then really talk to him! if you have good times then isn't that a reason to stay with him? but remember this is your decision
Do you really think you can spend your life with someone that you believe is mistreating you?
If you're so unhappy with him leave him, now, if he is studying for this semester and he is romantic elsewhere then think about it. But seriously, if he TELLS you he has no time to be romantic... pffft, wow, my gf would have dumped me so bad if I had that behavior.
Anyway, this is not a decision you should take based on what other people say here, you should not even start talking to friends for opinions. Think about yourself, do it for yourself, the worst thing you can ever do is doing something because someone told you to, then regretting it because it is not really what you wanted.
Well for starters you need to think if him not being romantic is somehting you are willing to put up with in a realtionship for longterm. Can you deal with him not being romantic? Some men are not romantic and some are but its you initially who needs to decide which behaviors you are willing to except and not. My man has never bought me anything he is not romantic at all, would i like a little romance well sure i would but he has so much more to offer me i can live with him not being romantic for longterm. You are not over reacting its something you feel the need for and its not being filled. But you did say it yourself,,, '; I feel the need to get out of the relationship because I need a man who is going to strive for more to make me happy as much as i try to do for him.'; Make yourself happy and good luck
you can't make a man romantic if he isn't. there are men out there who just don't know how to be romantic even if you spelled it out for him and did all the work.
Have you ever tried to be romantic towards him? Instead of him buying flowers, planning a romantic picnic etc.. why don't you do it.
You already wrote...';this honestly sound like a relationship that just won't work';. I think you already have your answer.
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